COMPLIMENTS
Pianist Artur Rubinstein never signed autographs, but a teenager once confronted him after a concert, held out a pad and pencil and said, “I know your fingers are tired, sir, but mine are, too—from clapping.” He signed.
—Soundings
COMPROMISE
A hunter had his gun aimed at a large bear and was ready to pull the trigger. Just then the bear spoke in a soft, soothing voice, saying, “Isn’t it better to talk than to shoot? Why don’t we negotiate the matter? What is it you want?” The hunter lowered his rifle and answered, “I would like a fur coat.” “That’s good,” said the bear. “I think that’s something we can talk about. All I want is a full stomach; maybe we can reach a compromise.” So they sat down to talk it over. A little while later the bear walked away alone. The negotiations had been successful—the bear had a full stomach, and the hunter had a fur coat.
The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in a period of moral crisis, maintain their neutrality.
—Dante
CONCERNS
In a survey, five hundred executives were asked, “What keeps you awake at night?” The top three concerns were finances, family affairs, and health problems.
CONFERENCE
A conference is simply an admission that you want someone else to join you in your troubles.
—Will Rogers
CONFESSION
Maurice Horn, a former Radio Bible Class counselor, said, “Some people confess a sin a thousand times. I tell them to confess it once, then thank God a thousand times for forgiving them.”
An old fellow had a conscience that troubled him. At last he went to a farmer and said, “Master, I’m sorry. I stole a rope from you a while back.” His master forgave him and the countryman went away. But he still had no peace of mind. For he had not told the farmer that there was a cow at the end of the rope when he stole it.
—Peter Howard
CONFIDENCE
Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have found that if I have faith in myself and in the idea I am tinkering with, I usually win out.
—Charles F. Kettering
In the Civil War, Rear Admiral Samuel du Pont gave half a dozen excellent reasons why he had not taken his gunboats into Charleston Harbor. Admiral David Farragut listened intently to the recital. “But there was another reason that you have not mentioned,” he replied.
“What is that?” questioned du Pont.
The answer came: “You did not believe you could do it.”
That lack of confidence has been the secret of failures not only in warfare but also in the Christian life.
Confidence is the feeling you sometimes have before you fully understand the situation.
CONFLICT
Happiness is not absence of conflict, it’s the ability to cope with it.
—Teen Esteem
George Bernard Shaw sent a telegram to Winston Churchill: “I’m sending you two tickets for the opening night of my play. Please attend and bring a friend if you have one.” Churchill responded with a telegram. “I can’t attend your play on the opening night. I plan to come the second night if you have one.”
Bill Clem was a well-known baseball umpire. One time a player came running to a base, and Clem stood there. The manager of one of the teams ran to him and said, “He’s safe.” The other manager said, “He’s out.” Bill Clem stood there and said, “He ain’t nothing till I call it.”
Mark Twain once wrote, tongue-in-cheek, about two cages. In the first was placed a cat, to which were added some doves, then a dog, then a rabbit, a fox, a goose, a squirrel, and finally a monkey. In the other cage was placed an Irish Catholic from Tipperary, a Scottish Presbyterian from Aberdeen, a Turk, a Greek Christian, an Armenian, a Methodist, a Buddhist, a Brahman, and then a Salvation Army Colonel. Two days later the animals were living in peace—but the second cage was “chaos of gory odds and ends of turbans and fezzes and plaids and bones and flesh—not a specimen alive.”
—Leslie B. Flynn
In an old monastery in Germany may be seen two pairs of antlers interlocked, said to be found in that position many years ago. The deer had been fighting when their antlers got jammed together and could not be separated. They died with locked horns. Said one historian, “I would like to take those horns into every house and school in the country.” And we would add, “And into every church.”
—Leslie B. Flynn
CONFORMITY
I came, I saw, I concurred.
A man from Brooklyn had his name changed from Kelly to Feinberg. Then, a year later, he had it changed from Feinberg to Garibaldi. The judge thundered at him, “Are you trying to make the court look foolish?”
“Not at all, Your Honor. My neighborhood keeps changing.”
CONFUSION
“It’s Greek to me.” But what does a Greek say to confess total noncomprehension? A Greek says, “Stop talking Chinese!” Bravo—but what does a Chinese say? What a Chinese says is staggering: “Your words are like Buddha’s attendant, twelve feet tall, whose head I cannot reach!” When Poles, on the other hand, are unable to understand something, they blurt out, “I am hearing a sermon in Turkish!” Frenchmen, who are especially irritated by incomprehensibility, murmur, “Pray stop talking Hebrew!” And Jews dismiss ensnarled (or foolish) statements with a crisp “Stop knocking a teapot!”
—Leo Rosten
A customer whose checkbook was in total chaos phoned his bank for help.
“What balance do you show?” asked the service representative.
Came the harried reply, “I asked you first.”
A public meeting was completely out of hand. The room was full of noisy and conflicting voices. Everyone tried to make himself heard. Finally the chairman rapped sharply with his gavel and called for order. “Gentlemen, gentlemen,” he said, “let’s keep this confusion orderly.”
If you think you’re confused, consider poor Columbus. He didn’t know where he was going when he started. When he got there, he didn’t know where he was. When he got back, he didn’t know where he’d been.
—Bits & Pieces
CONSCIENCE
The greatest tormentor of the human soul is a guilty conscience.
The Internal Revenue Service received the following letter from a conscience-stricken taxpayer:
“Dear Sir: My conscience bothered me. Here is $175, which I owe in back taxes.” There was a P.S. at the bottom that read: “If my conscience still bothers me, I’ll send in the rest.”
A farmer was on his way home after picking up his new car. As he approached his farm, he decided to test the acceleration. He passed the side road that led to his house and drove on for a mile or so. Then, after making a sharp U-turn, he sped back toward the side road. A man driving a station wagon observed the U-turn and the farmer’s fast rate of speed, and he thought the automobile was an unmarked police car. Trying to avoid detection, he quickly headed down the road leading to the farm. Of course he was followed by the returning farmer who only wanted to go home. The second driver was alarmed and drove at high speed to escape, only to come to a dead end. He jumped out and ran, abandoning the station wagon. Later it was found to be filled with stolen coffee, cigarettes, and ammunition. His conscience had made him flee, even though no one was pursuing him.
—Our Daily Bread
Since 1811 Uncle Sam has been receiving anonymous sums of money as self-imposed fines for a variety of reasons, such as for taking Army blankets for souvenirs or for deliberately failing to put enough postage on a letter. One widow, checking her late husband’s books, discovered he had cheated the government, so she promptly mailed a check for $50 to the Treasury. All these monies have been placed in an account named the Federal Conscience Fund which now totals over three million dollars.
—Leslie B. Flynn
Your conscience is the still small voice that makes you feel still smaller.
Conscience is a little three-cornered thing inside of me. When I do wrong, it turns around and hurts me very much. But if I keep on doing wrong, it will turn so much that the corners become worn off, and it does not hurt me any more.
Conscience is like a sundial. When the truth of God shines on it, it points the right way.
Conscience is what warns you that you’d better have an alibi.
If your conscience smites you once, it is an admonition; if it smites you twice, it is condemnation.
CONSEQUENCES
After the fire, ashes; after the rain, roses.
—Moroccan proverb
One-half of the ills of life come because men are unwilling to sit down quietly for thirty minutes to think through all the possible consequences of their acts.
—Blaise Pascal
CONSISTENCY
None of us should listen to a man giving a lecture or a sermon on his “philosophy of life” until we know exactly how he treats his wife, his children, his neighbors, his friends, his subordinates—and his enemies.
—Sidney J. Harris
A farmer was trying to get a loan from a banker when their conversation was interrupted by a telephone call. The banker listened for a while and then said “No.” He said “No” about five times and ended the call by saying “Yes.”
“What did that feller say that made you change your mind and answer ‘Yes’?” asked the farmer.
“I didn’t change my mind,” the banker replied. “He wanted to know if my final answer was no.”
—Bits & Pieces
A man in a rural county down south was campaigning for a seat in the Senate. One rainy, miserable evening there was a knock on the door. A man he didn’t know stood outside, soaking wet. “I need help,” the man said. “My car is stalled down the road. Would you help me?”
“Sure,” said the candidate. When they reached the car, the owner got in and turned the key. The car started up immediately.
“I don’t understand,” said the would-be senator. “There was nothing wrong with your car.”
The other man smiled. “I know. I also know that this state needs a good man up there in Washington,” he explained. “I just wanted to know if you were the kind of man I could vote for. Now I know. You’ve got my vote.”
CONTENTMENT (Also see GREED)
It is right to be contented with what we have, never with what we are.
—James Mackintosh
A happy man is one who wants what he has. An unhappy man gets what he wants but never stops wanting.
The secret of contentment is knowing how to enjoy what you have and to be able to lose all desire for things beyond your reach.
—Lin Yutang
A contented life is having:
Wealth enough to support your needs.
Health enough to make work a pleasure.
Faith enough to make real the things of God.
Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them.
Patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished.
Love enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others.
Strength enough to battle with difficulties and overcome them.
Hope enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future.
Leaning on his fence one day, a devout Quaker was watching a new neighbor move in next door. After all kinds of modern appliances, electronic gadgets, plush furniture, and costly wall hangings had been carried in, the onlooker called over, “If you find you’re lacking anything, neighbor, let me know, and I’ll show you how to live without it.”
One day Lord Congleton, a godly man, overheard one of his kitchen servants remark, “Oh, if I only had five pounds, I would be perfectly content.” Pondering her statement, he decided he would like to see someone who was perfectly content. So he went to the woman and said he had heard her remark and wanted to do something about it. He proceeded to give her a five-pound note. With great feeling she thanked him. Congleton then left the kitchen but paused for a moment outside the door. As soon as the woman thought he was gone, she began to complain, “Why on earth didn’t I say ten pounds?”
How much we enjoy what we have is more important than how much we have. Life is full of people who have more than they know what to do with but cannot be content. It is the capacity to enjoy life that brings contentment.
Contentment does not mean I must give everything away to the poor and become poor myself. Nor does it mean I must feel guilty for being blessed as an American. It does not mean I can take a careless attitude toward my finances. Nor does it suggest I can take a superior attitude if my things are newer and shinier than another person’s.
Contentment means suppressing the desire for more and more. And it means recognizing we are God’s stewards of our possessions.
—Donald M. Geiger
Contentment means that whatever we do not have we do not require.
—Alexander Maclaren
To be content makes a poor person rich, but to be malcontent makes a rich man poor.
—Benjamin Franklin
The heart that loves the little things
Is full of deep content;
The life that serves in little things
Is often nobly spent.
So do not be despising
The day of little things,
For bees, as well as angels,
Can boast a pair of wings.
CONTRADICTIONS
Someone wrote a sign, “Life is one contradiction after another.” Another person saw the sign and wrote under it, “No, it’s not.”
CONVICTIONS
A man is a fool when he dies for his opinions.
A man is a saint when he stands for his convictions.
Give us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for, because unless we stand for something, we shall fall for anything.
—Peter Marshall
Crito came to the prison of Socrates, the Greek philosopher, to try to get him to escape with the help of friends, since they all knew that he had done no wrong. But Socrates reminded Crito that they had long agreed no man would either do evil, or return evil for evil, or betray the right. Then Socrates asked, “Are these principles to be altered because circumstances are altered?”
In matter of principle, stand like a rock; in matter of taste, swim with the current.
—Thomas Jefferson
We cannot write or speak convincingly of things we haven’t experienced.
—Sue Nichols
Patient: Are you sure I’ll get well? I’ve heard that doctors sometimes treat people for the wrong disease. There was a man who was being treated for pneumonia, for example, and he died of typhoid fever.
Doctor: Don’t worry. When I treat a man for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia.
It is important that people know what you stand for. It is equally important that they know what you won’t stand for.
David Hume, the agnostic, was reproached by some of his friends because of his inconsistency in going to church each Sunday to hear the orthodox Scottish minister John Brown. Defending himself, he replied, “Well, I don’t believe all that he says, but he does, and once a week I like to hear a man who believes what he says.”
—Our Daily Bread
I am tired of hearing about men with the “courage of their convictions.” Nero and Caligula and Attila and Hitler had the courage of their convictions—but not one had the courage to examine his convictions, or to change them, which is the true test of character.
—Sidney Harris
In the operating room of a great hospital a young nurse had her first day of full responsibility. “You’ve removed eleven sponges, doctor,” she said to the surgeon. “We used twelve.”
“I’ve removed them all,” the doctor declared. “We’ll close the incision now.”
“No,” the nurse objected. “We used twelve.”
“I’ll take the responsibility,” the surgeon said grimly. “Suture.”
“You can’t do that,” blazed the nurse. “Think of the patient.”
The doctor smiled, lifted his foot, showed the nurse the twelfth sponge. “You’ll do,” he said. He had been testing her for her integrity—and she had it.
Convictions are what we cling to in our lowest moment.
—Larry Crabb
A conviction is that splendid quality in ourselves which we call bullheadedness in others.
Great men have convictions; ordinary men have only opinions.
Martin Luther, in his loneliness, on his way to the Diet of Worms to appear before King Charles V and the Roman Prelate and all the princes assembled around, said, “My cause shall be commended to the Lord for He lives and reigns who preserved the three children in the furnace of the Babylonian king. If He is unwilling to preserve me, my life is a small thing compared with Christ. Expect anything of me except flight or recantation. I will not flee, much less recant. So may the Lord Jesus strengthen me.” He did not say, “So may the Lord Jesus deliver me.” He did not say, “So may the Lord Jesus make it easy for me.” And he concluded his response with the words, “Here I stand, I can do no other. So help me God.”
Let nothing come between you and God; let God come between you and everything.
An opinion is an idea that we pick up and carry around with us. In contrast, a conviction is something that picks us up and carries us around.
A preacher was approached by some members of his congregation about trouble in the church. Airing their grievances, they made all sorts of charges against those with whom they were at odds. Responding to their complaints, the preacher said, “You’re right, you’re absolutely right.” The next night, however, another group came to his home and told their side of the story. He listened very quietly, and when they had vanished, said, “You’re right, you’re absolutely right.” His wife, working in the kitchen, overheard everything. As soon as the parishioners left she rushed into the living room and exclaimed, “You’re just about the most wishy-washy individual I’ve ever seen.” To that he immediately replied, “You’re right, you’re absolutely right.”
It is not a minister’s wisdom but his conviction which imparts himself to others. Nothing gives life but life. Real flame alone kindles another flame.
—F. W. Robertson