CALENDARS
The Gregorian calendar used by most of the world today is not very old. In 1472, Pope Sixtus IV asked an astronomer to reform the Julian calendar, which had been used since 46 B.C. and was 11 minutes and 15 seconds too long every year. By the fifteenth century the true vernal equinox was nine days before March 21.
But the astronomer died and it was not until 1582 that Pope Gregory XIII promulgated a new calendar. By 1582 the discrepancy between the vernal equinox and the Julian calendar had increased to ten days, so Pope Gregory ordered them dropped—October 5 became October 15. Italy and the Catholic countries of Spain, Portugal, and France changed to the new calendar at the same time. Other countries, however, were slower to change. Great Britain, for example, waited until 1752, when the difference between the Julian and Gregorian calendars had grown to eleven days. Parliament decreed that the day after September 2 would be September 14. The people, however, did not understand. Riots broke out in the streets. The slogan, “Give us back our eleven days,” was shouted at those in authority.
—Bits & Pieces
CALIFORNIA
Frank Lloyd Wright’s theory of architecture applies well to California: Everything loose leans to the southwest.
When I moved from Oklahoma to California the IQ of both states went up.
—Will Rogers
CALLING
The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.
—Frederick Buechner
CALMNESS
The first quality for a commander-in-chief is a cool head to receive a correct impression of things. He should not allow himself to be confused by either good news or bad news.
—Napoleon
CALVINISM
The prince of preachers, Charles H. Spurgeon, had a close friend by the name of John Clifford who was a distinguished preacher in his own right. One day Clifford ribbed his friend about his theology. “You see me so often I cannot understand why you remain a Calvinist,” he said. Spurgeon replied, “Well, it’s like this, John. I see you only about once a month, but I read my Bible every day and that keeps me straight.”
CANADA
The train stopped for fifteen minutes at a station in Western Canada, and two elderly women tourists stepped to the platform to stretch a bit. “What place is this?” one asked and got the reply: “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.”
As they turned away, one woman turned to the other. “Isn’t it exciting? They don’t speak English here.”
CANCER
An enthusiastic believer in Christ, Dan Richardson lost his battle with cancer. But his life demonstrated that even though the physical body may be destroyed by disease, the spirit can remain triumphant. This poem was distributed at his memorial service.
Cancer Is So Limited
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot destroy confidence,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot shut out memories,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot invade the soul,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the Spirit,
It cannot lessen the power of the Resurrection.
CARELESSNESS
“I am not much of a mathematician,” said Carelessness, “but I can add to your troubles, subtract from your earnings, multiply your aches and pains, take interest from your work, and discount your changes of safety.
“Besides this, I can divide your thoughts between business and pleasure and be a potent factor in your failures. Even if I am with you only a small fraction of the time, I can lessen your chances for success.
“I am a figure to be reckoned with. Cancel me from your habits and it will add to your happiness.”
—Good Reading
CATHOLICISM
In a classroom the teacher asked the young people to write three words that would shake the world.
One wrote, “Queen Elizabeth Resigned.” Another wrote, “Fidel Castro Assassinated.” Then a third wrote, “The Pope Elopes.”
A Protestant minister saw a Roman Catholic priest at a horse racetrack. He went down to the track and saw the priest blessing a horse. The horse won. The priest did it three times, and each time the horse won.
So the minister said, “This is a cinch.” So he bet on the horse. The horse started out and was ahead and then the horse fell over dead. The minister said to the priest, “What happened?”
“You’re not a Roman Catholic are you?”
“No, I’m a Protestant minister.”
“I thought so. You don’t know the difference between a blessing and last rites.”
CAUTION
“How did you get that bump on your head?” a man asked his friend.
“Well, there was this sign over the entrance of a building I was about to enter, and since I’m nearsighted, I stepped closer to read it.”
“And what did it say?”
“ ‘Caution—door swings out.’ ”
—Philip Lazarus
Working as a welder on a water tower 110 feet above the ground, Randy Reid lost his balance and fell more than ten stories, landing on a pile of dirt and gravel at the base of the tower. Within minutes, emergency workers arrived and amazingly discovered only minimal injuries. As they carried the injured victim on a stretcher three feet above the ground to a waiting ambulance, Reid looked up at the medics and pleaded, “Don’t drop me!”
—Today in the Word
CEMETERIES
During a recent gravedigger’s strike this sign appeared at the entrance of one cemetery: “Due to the strike all grave digging for the duration will be done by a skeleton crew.”
—Bits & Pieces
Once there was a boy whose parents named him Odd. Other children used to tease him about his name, but he refused to be bothered. As he grew up, people continued to make fun of his name—even after he became a successful attorney. Finally, as an old man, he wrote out his last wishes. “I’ve been the butt of jokes all my life,” he wrote. “I’ll not have people making fun of me after I’m gone.” So he instructed that his tombstone not bear his name.
After his death, people would notice his large, blank stone and say, “That’s odd.”
—Today in the Word
CERTAINTY
British novelist J. B. Priestley once declined the invitation to write an article on his religious beliefs, explaining that he was “perhaps better able to deny than to affirm.” But he added with a touch of sadness, “I regret this, because now is the time for gigantic affirmations.” It is. And in an age of relativistic uncertainty evangelicals affirm that in Scripture God has spoken.
The older I get, the less sure I am about a lot of things, and the more sure I am of a few things.
—E. A. Holleen
A sign on the back of a van read, “Maybe … and that’s final.”
CHALLENGES
Difficult things take a long time; the impossible takes a little longer.
—Vera Weizmann
All men are equal—but it’s what they’re equal to that counts.
—Murray Watts
We cannot discover new oceans unless we have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
—Teen Esteem
There is no thrill quite like doing something you didn’t know you could.
—Marjorie Holmes
The minister’s son liked molasses. He frequently went by the molasses barrel, put his finger in it, and licked his finger. One day he couldn’t reach the molasses because it was so slow. He tried balancing himself on the edge of the barrel, but fell in. Molasses was all over him. With much molasses to be licked, he got on his knees and prayed, “Lord, make me equal to the occasion.”
James W. Whittaker, the first American to reach the top of Mount Everest on May 1, 1963, said, “Man is at his best when reaching for something beyond his grasp.”
Unless a man is given more than he can possibly do, he will never do all that he can.
—Samuel McClure
In Valladolid, Spain, where Christopher Columbus died in 1506, stands a monument commemorating the great discoverer. Perhaps the most interesting feature of the memorial is a statue of a lion destroying one of the Latin words that had been part of Spain’s motto for centuries. Before Columbus made his voyages, the Spaniards thought they had reached the outer limits of earth. Thus their motto was “Ne Plus Ultra,” which means “No More Beyond.” The word being torn away by the lion is “Ne” or “no,” making it read “Plus Ultra.” Columbus had proven that there was indeed “more beyond.”
The great soul prays, “Lord, make me as big as my problems.” The little soul prays, “Lord, let me off easy.”
The giant soul asks, “Lord, give me strength sufficient for a hard day,” while the small soul begs, “Lord, let me have a lighter load.”
The busy soul prays, “Lord, stand with me until I finish my task,” while the weak soul says, “I got tired and quit.”
Rome remained great as long as she had enemies who forced her to unity, vision, and heroism. When she had overcome all her enemies, she flourished for a moment and then began to die.
—Will Durant
Arnold Toynbee has written that three things have caused the decay of many civilizations: war, alcohol, sexual license. But he adds a fourth: lack of response to challenge. Civilizations grow because of a challenge and response to it.
When London was attacked by Germany, Winston Churchill said, “Give us the tools and we’ll finish the job.”
General “Chinese” Gordon was leading his forces in the Sudan. He assigned one of his officers the task of capturing a strong fortress. After days of hard and demanding conflict, the officer returned to headquarters. Galloping into camp, he reined in his tired steed before General Gordon, saluted, and announced, “General, I have taken the fort!” His commander calmly replied, “Go take another.”
I must be going downhill when I find my work equal to my aspirations.
—Bertel Thorvaldsen
During the depression, Charles Darrow could find no work. Although he was broke and his wife was expecting a baby, he wasn’t discouraged. Every evening they played a game which he had devised. Remembering happy vacations in nearby Atlantic City, he laid out his own little boardwalk on a square piece of cardboard and pretended to be rich. On his “properties” he put miniature houses and hotels he had carved out of small pieces of wood. The game, called “Monopoly,” was later marketed by Parker Brothers and ultimately made Darrow a millionaire.
A rooster showed some hens an ostrich egg and said, “Ladies, I just want to show you what can be done.”