INTERPRETERS
The sentence, “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak,” was given to a translation machine to be rendered into Japanese word by word. The result in English was, “There is some good whiskey but the roast beef is mediocre.”
Speaking through an interpreter in Japan, Bob Jones once said, “The die is cast.” The Japanese interpreter said in Japanese, “Death is thrown away.”
INTRODUCTIONS
A preacher whose first language was not English was introduced as a model preacher. Not knowing what “model” meant, he looked it up in the dictionary and found it means “A small imitation of the real thing.”
Also the man who introduced him said the speaker was “a warm person.” He didn’t know what “warm” means so he looked it up in the dictionary and found it means “not so hot.”
A preacher from America went to Korea. He said, “I’m tickled to death to be here.” The translator didn’t know what he meant so he asked the preacher. The translator still didn’t understand, so he simply said, “I scratch and scratch until I die.”
You’re fortunate that I’m speaking tonight because I used to give long speeches, speeches of an hour or an hour and a half. But I had to shorten them because of my throat. Someone threatened to cut it out.
A man gave a glowing introduction of the speaker. When the speaker stood up to speak, he said, “Thank you. That was beautiful. I wish my parents were here. My father would have enjoyed it and my mother would have believed it.”
A man was preaching in a jail. He began by saying, “I’m glad to be here, and I’m glad to see all of you here.” He didn’t realize what he had said so he continued, “I know it took a lot of effort for you to be here.” Still he didn’t realize what he was saying so he continued, “You have no idea how much better the world will be because you are here.”
A man told about a breakfast meeting where he was the speaker. The breakfast was at 7:00 and he arrived at 6:20. A woman was preparing the meal all by herself, so the man, an inexperienced speaker, offered to help. He ended up cracking the eggs and scrambling them.
When it was time for him to speak, he explained what he had done. He said, “If the eggs are no good, it’s because my mind was on the message. If the message is no good it’s because my mind was on the eggs.” He added, “I just hope the eggs are scrambled and not the message.”
A famous governor of New York once visited Sing Sing prison. After being shown several of the buildings he was asked to speak to the inmates. He was somewhat embarrassed and did not know exactly how to begin. Finally he said, “My fellow citizens,” … but then he remembered that prisoners lose their citizenship. Then he said, “My fellow convicts,” … but that didn’t sound right either. So at last he said, “Well, anyhow, I’m glad to see so many of you here!”
At a baptismal service in Pine Cove in 1988 a high school boy was about to be baptized. He said, “I don’t want to do this.”
Someone said to a speaker, “You are God’s sovereign choice for us. All the other speakers we wanted couldn’t come.”
Eighty percent of life is showing up.
—Woody Allen
A man who survived the Jonestown flood loved to tell about it. Then he died and went to heaven. Michael told him he could tell about the flood, but only once. After that he would have to keep quiet about it. He was delighted with this opportunity to speak to this large audience. Just as he began to speak, Peter turned to him and said, “Just remember that Noah is here.”
INVENTIONS
The bathtub was invented in 1850, and the telephone in 1875. Had you lived in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for twenty-five years without having the phone ring once.
Elijah McCoy was a black man whose slave parents escaped to Canada where he was born. Later he went to Detroit where he got a job as an oiler on the railroad.
In those days, machinery had to be shut down frequently and oiled by hand. McCoy invented the lubricating cup, a simple device that made this unnecessary. He also patented more than fifty other inventions dealing with lubricating devices, many of which are still used on railroads and steamships all over the world.
In McCoy’s day, no respectable piece of machinery was complete without a McCoy lubricating cup. If it had the cup, it was “the real McCoy.”
—Bits & Pieces
IRELAND
“Is it true that if you ask a man from Galway a question, he’ll always answer you with another question?”
He said, “Who told you that?”
—Hal Roach
ISOLATION
In the year 1403, one of the wealthiest men in Paris died, leaving his entire estate to his teenage daughter Agnes. She was a beautiful and virtuous young woman, and many men wanted to marry her. But Agnes decided to give up her fortune and become a recluse. To isolate herself from society, she asked to be sealed in a cell within the wall of a church.
The entrance was plastered shut except for one small hole through which food could be passed. She was confined in that small area at eighteen years of age and she remained there until she died at age ninety-eight.