EVOLUTION
Man did not come from monkeys, but some are going to the dogs.
It is absurd for the evolutionists to complain that it’s unthinkable for an admittedly unthinkable God to make everything out of nothing and then pretend it is more thinkable that nothing should turn itself into anything.
—G. K. Chesterton
Once a man was walking along the bank of a river and he saw something glittering in the grass by the path. It was a watch which was running perfectly. There it was. He knew this watch had not developed wheel to wheel, spring and jewel, case and stem, just lying there on the ground—or had it?
Bumper sticker: “My ancestors were human. Sorry about yours.”
Astronomy class at the University of Toledo in Ohio seemed easy at first, but as the quarter progressed, the material got more complicated. One day, our professor was discussing nebular condensation accretion theory, which explains the formation of our solar system.
After an hour of note taking, a classmate put down his pencil with a sigh. “You know,” he said, “this topic was a lot easier back in Sunday school.”
—Thomas Oakley
The monkeys one day had a big jamboree
Their leader sat up in the tallest palm tree
And said with a chuckle, “My good fellow Monk,
If you want a good laugh, just give ear to this junk.
The teachers of men in a place they call ‘school’
Are training each youngster to grow up a fool.
The kids all run wild and never get spanked.
If our babies did that, their tails would be yanked.
No well-mannered monkey dictates to his teacher,
Beats up the policeman or shoots at the preacher,
Poisons the baby, or kills with a gun,
And then laughs and says, ‘We are just having fun!’
Monkeys, my friends, have respect for each other.
We hand out no sass to our father or mother.
The picture I’ve painted you’ll agree is quite sad.
But listen, my brothers, I’m boiling mad.
For here’s what they’re taught—that miserable flunky,
That creature called Man was at one time a monkey!
An ape just like us, and what’s more, if you please,
He claims that at one time he swung through the trees.
Fellow monkeys, I think this is going too far.
We don’t envy their home, their wealth, or their car.
But when they will spread such a horrible rumor,
It’s time for all monkeys to lose their good humor.
So, come, you must help me prepare a big sign,
Protesting that man’s no descendant of mine.
If evolution be true, then boys, we are sunk,
For I’d sooner be father to weasel or skunk.”
I can prove God statistically. Take the human body alone—the chance that all the functions of the individual would just happen is a statistical monstrosity.
—George Gallup
Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree,
And talked of things that were said to be.
Said one to the others, “See here, you two!
There’s a rumor afloat that can’t be true,
That man descended from our lofty race,
To think of such is a great disgrace.
No monkey ever beat his wife,
Or starved her child or spoiled her life;
And whoever heard of a mother monk
Parking her babies for another to bunk
Or passing them on from one to another
Till they couldn’t tell who was her mother.
And another thing you’ll never see,
Is a fence around a coconut tree.
If a fence I should build around a coconut tree,
Starvation would force you to steal from me;
And there is another thing a monk won’t do,
That is, go out at night and get in a stew;
Then use a gun, club, or a butcher knife
To take another poor monkey’s life.
Man may have descended—the ornery cuss;
But brothers—he didn’t descend from us.”
Robert Ingersoll, an atheist, once visited the great preacher Henry Ward Beecher, who took him into his study and showed him theological books. In Beecher’s study there was also a magnificent contour globe of the world with the mountains and valleys all painted in as a beautiful and creative work of art.
Ingersoll, a bright man and highly educated, looked at the globe and said, “Beecher, that is a beautiful work of art. Who made it for you?” Challenging Ingersoll’s denial of God’s creation, Beecher replied, “Oh, nobody, it just happened.”
—Kenneth Gangel
When the wife of a Canon of Worcester Cathedral first was told about the theory of evolution, she protested, “Descended from apes! My dear, we will hope it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.”
EXAGGERATION
Never exaggerate … Exaggeration is akin to lying; and through it you jeopardize your reputation for good taste, which is much, and for good judgment, which is more.
—Baltasar Gracian
EXAMPLE
There is nothing more influential in a child’s life than the moral power of a quiet example. For children to take morality seriously, they must see adults who take morality seriously.
—William J. Bennett
When Benjamin Franklin decided to interest the people of Philadelphia in street lighting, he hung a beautiful lantern on the end of a long bracket attached to the front of his house. He kept the brass brightly polished and carefully lit the wick each evening at the approach of dusk. Anyone walking on the dark street could see this light from a long way off and come under its warm glow. It wasn’t long before Franklin’s neighbors began placing lamps outside their homes. Soon the entire city followed his example with enthusiasm.
—Cole D. Robinson
No man is worthless. He can always serve as a terrible example.
One frustrated lad was heard to remark, “Two things in life I’ve had are ample—good advice and bad example.”
—M. Dale Baughman
You cannot put straight in others what is warped in yourself.
—Athanasius
Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.
—Albert Schweitzer
The most valuable gift you can give another is a good example.
EXAMS
It was a bright spring morning and four high school boys decided to skip classes. Arriving after lunch, they explained to the teacher that their car had a flat tire on the way to school. To their relief, the teacher smiled understandingly and said, “You boys missed a test this morning. Please take your seats apart from one another and get out your paper and pencil.”
When the boys were seated, she continued, “Answer this question: Which tire was flat?”
—Rotarian
Bumper sticker: As long as there are final exams there will be prayer in public schools!
On a college test, a student who wasn’t prepared left the page blank and wrote at the bottom, “Dedicated to my memory, which recently passed away.”
All-School Seminary Postfinal
1. Define and give the significance of the twofold mandrake.
2. Sum up Kittel’s theological contributions in one word.
3. Define as briefly as possible (using a detailed full-sentence outline) the following terms:
a. Readaktionsitzumkerschplattun-dkerputtgeschichte.
b. Jay E. D. P. Westreetermann’s seven-source theory of Time magazine.
c. Budak
4. What do we mean when we say that we hold to the liturgical, hermeneutical, hysterical interpolation of Scripture?
5. Give seven reasons why seven is the perfect number.
6. On the basis that the typewriter was not invented until 1857, defend the existence of Old Testament typology.
7. T or F—Louis Pasteur wrote the Pasteural Epistles.
8. State and defend the argument from silence that nothing whatsoever happened during the intertestamental period.
9. What was Noah’s prediluvial interpretation of Ephesians 5:18? How was it modified by progressive revelation?
—Kethiv Qere
Several students of historian Charles Beard called at his office to find out their grades on a test. The papers were not yet corrected but Beard said, “I will see that you get justice.” One of the students replied, “But Dr. Beard, we don’t want justice; we want mercy.”
EXCELLENCE
Whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well.
—Philip Chesterfield
Faced with a challenging new project at work, I sought our manager’s advice on how to proceed. After we had gone over his suggestions, I asked him to tell me his formula for success. “What I do, I do very well,” he answered with a smile. “And what I don’t do well, I don’t do at all!”
—Sally Baucus Boydstun
Always remember what you’re good at and stick with it.
—Ermenegildo Zegna
Whatever your life’s work, do it well. A man should do his job so well that the living, the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.
—Martin Luther King Jr.
The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to his or her commitment to excellence, regardless of the chosen field of endeavor.
—Vincent T. Lombardi
The way to get on in this world is to do whatever work you are doing well, then you will be picked to do some other job that is not being done well.
—Samuel Vauclair
The distinguished congressman Claude Pepper was called by his colleagues “a national treasure.” He was a valiant champion of the elderly and the poor. A few days before Pepper’s death in 1989, President Bush visited him in Walter Reed Hospital to give him the nation’s highest civilian award, the Medal of Freedom.
Representative Silvio Conte recalls, “Despite what was obviously a great deal of pain, Claude apologized to the president and the first lady that he couldn’t stand up.” Said Conte, “He didn’t have to stand up. He was a giant.”
—Our Daily Bread
More than two thousand years ago a sculptor erected a statue in a Greek temple. He had spent much time perfecting it. When asked why he gave the same painstaking care to the back, which wouldn’t be seen, as he did to the front, he replied, “That is the way I always work. Men may never see it, but I believe the gods do!”
God does not want us to do extraordinary things; He wants us to do ordinary things extraordinarily well.
—Charles Gore
Excellence can be attained if you:
Care more than others think is wise.
Risk more than others think is safe.
Dream more than others think is practical.
Expect more than others think is possible.
Cathy Rigby was a member of the U.S. Women’s Gymnastics Team in the 1972 Olympics at Munich, and she had only one goal in mind—to win a gold medal. She had trained hard over a long period of time.
On the day she was scheduled to perform, she prayed for strength and the control to get through her routine without making mistakes. She was tense with determination not to let herself or her country down.
She performed well, but when it was all over and the winners announced, her name was not among them. Cathy was crushed. Afterward, she joined her parents in the stands all set for a good cry. As she sat down, she could barely manage to say, “I’m sorry. I did my best.”
“You know that, and I know that,” her mother said, “and I’m sure God knows that too.” Then Cathy recalls, her mother said ten words that she has never forgotten: “Doing your best is more important than being the best.”
—Soundings
Do more than exist—live.
Do more than look—observe.
Do more than read—absorb.
Do more than hear—listen.
Do more than listen—understand.
Do more than think—ponder.
Do more than talk—say something.
—NYLIC Review
Michelangelo stands as one of the towering figures in the history of art. His majestic frescoes on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel and his masterful sculptures bear witness to his greatness. But he was a man never content to rest on his laurels. He spent countless hours on his back on the scaffolding in the Sistine, carefully perfecting the details of each figure. When a friend questioned such meticulous attention to detail, on the grounds that “at that height, who will know whether it’s perfect or not?” Michelangelo’s simple response was “I will.” After contemplating what some consider his greatest work, Moses, the master sculptor stood back and surveyed his craftsmanship. Suddenly, in anger, he struck the knee of the creation with his chisel and shouted, “Why don’t you speak?” The chisel scar that remains on the statue’s knee is the mark of a man who always reached out for more. His ambition was to be the best he could be.
The Christian adds a deeper dimension. His ambition is not simply to be good or to be good for something. He longs to be good for Someone, striving for excellence out of love for his Savior.
—Gary Inrig
We’re the mark of excellence (General Motors).
Putting our energy into excellence (Atlantic Richfield).
We deliver excellence 95,000 times a day (Express Mail).
—Jon Johnston
When Irvin Feld was put in Who’s Who in America and was asked for a quotation to go with his biographical sketch, he wrote, “I have found that if you give the public more than their money’s worth while maintaining a high standard of quality, they will respond fully with their support. I have always insisted on giving the paying public more than they expect.”
A retired business executive was once asked the secret of his success. He replied that it could be summed up in the three words—and then some. “I discovered at an early age,” he declared, “that most of the difference between average people and top people could be explained in three words. The top people did what was expected of them—and then some. They were thoughtful of others; they were considerate and kind—and then some. They met their obligations and responsibilities fairly and squarely—and then some. They were good friends and helpful neighbors—and then some. They could be counted on in an emergency—and then some.”
I am thankful for people like that, for they make the world more livable, for their spirit of service is summed up in three little words, “and then some.”
—Carl Holmes
Andrew Carnegie, the great industrialist and philanthropist, once declared in a speech before a graduating class that he thought all young men fell into three categories: those who did not do all their duty, those who only professed to do their duty, and those who did their duty plus “a little more.”
“It is the little more that wins,” he said. “Do your duty and a little more, and the future will take care it itself.”
—Speak the Language of Success
EXCUSES
W. C. Fields was reading the Bible. A friend came in and said, “What in the world are you doing?” Mr. Fields didn’t ordinarily read the Bible. He said, “I’m looking for loopholes.”
If half the ingenuity spent in finding excuses for not doing what we ought to do were exercised in finding means to do what ought to be done, there would be a great difference.
We are all manufacturers: making goods, making trouble, or making excuses.
He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
—Benjamin Franklin
Young Robin was more clever than anyone at making up alibis. When he brought home his grades at the end of the first report period, his father observed, “I see you failed in math.” “That’s true, Dad,” Robin explained brightly, “but my grade was the highest of those who failed.”
There’s a big difference between sound reasons and reasons that sound good.
Ninety-nine percent of failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
—George Washington Carver
The Spirit came in childhood and pleaded, “Let me in.”
But oh! the door was bolted by thoughtlessness and sin.
“I am too young,” the child replied. “I will not yield today;
There’s time enough tomorrow.” The Spirit went away.
Again He came and pleaded in youth’s bright and happy hour;
He came but heard no answer for, lured by Satan’s power,
The youth lay dreaming then and saying, “Not today,
Not till I’ve tried earth’s pleasures.” The Spirit went away.
Again He called in mercy in manhood’s vigorous prime;
But still he found no welcome, the merchant had no time—
No time for true repentance, no time to think or pray;
And so, repulsed and saddened, the Spirit went away.
Once more He called and waited, the man was old and ill,
And scarcely heard the whisper, his heart was cold and still;
“Go leave me; when I need thee, I’ll call for thee,” he cried.
Then, sinking on his pillow, without a hope, he died.
A heavy rain had been falling as a man drove down a lonely road. As he rounded a curve, he saw an old farmer surveying the ruins of his barn. The driver stopped his car and asked what had happened. “Roof fell in,” said the farmer. “Leaked so long it finally just rotted through.” “Why in the world didn’t you fix it before it got that bad?” asked the stranger. “Well, sir,” replied the farmer, “it just seemed I never did get around to it. When the weather was good, there weren’t no need for it, and when it rained, it was too wet to work on!”
Executives in their thirties and forties are valuable because they are eager and keen and aware of what can, should, and needs to be done. Executives in their fifties and sixties are valuable because they are more relaxed and experienced and often aware of what can’t, shouldn’t, and needn’t be done.
—Malcolm S. Forbes
EXEMPTION
A speaker who ministers to congressman in Washington, D.C., said that congressmen have a tendency to live with the illusion that who they are and what they do are so important that they are exempt from the normal responsibilities of life. Illusions like these: Others need time with their spouse, not me. Others need time in the Word of God, not me. Others need time in church, not me. The “illusion of exemption” is not unique to congressmen. Others like businessmen, athletes, and ministers do the same thing.
EXERCISE
“A recent report by the Southern California Medical Association,” writes Julie K. Rose of Iowa State University, “pointed out that weight control and physical fitness cannot be obtained by dieting alone. Persons engaged in sedentary occupations often do not realize that calories by the hundreds can be burned off by a variety of strenuous exercises. Below are the per-hour calorie consumption rates of some common activities.
Beating around the bush, 75
Jumping to conclusions, 100
Climbing the walls, 150
Swallowing your pride, 50–500
Passing the buck, 25
Throwing your weight around, 50–300
Dragging your heels, 100
Bending over backwards, 75
Pushing your luck, 250
Running around in circles, 350
Making mountains out of molehills, 500
Climbing the ladder of success, 750.”
The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, side-stepping responsibility, dodging issues, passing the buck, and pressing their luck!
EXPERIENCE
Experience does all of her teaching backwards; she gives a test before explaining the lesson.
—Farmer’s Almanac
The trouble with experience is that it usually teaches you something you really didn’t want to know.
One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning.
—James Russell Lowell
Experience is a comb which nature gives us when we are bald.
—Chinese proverb
Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get for not reading it.
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it—and stop there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again—and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
—Mark Twain
Past experience should be a guidepost, not a hitching post.